I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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