Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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