I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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