If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
