Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
