don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
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I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
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Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize