Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
