Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
