I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
