but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
