yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
