how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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