just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
