Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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