Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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