dude i'm inner monologue high
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
