Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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