lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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