Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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