mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize