That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
