All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
