Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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