so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
