Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
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Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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