the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
