The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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