PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
