We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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