Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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