i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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