my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
