i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
