my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
