you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Randomize
