Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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