Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
