Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
