You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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