she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
