We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
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Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
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You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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