the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize