I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
