I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
