she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize