boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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