Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize