you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
