Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
