Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
