she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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