who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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