I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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