So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
