In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
