that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
