He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
