its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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