where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
