i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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