My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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