believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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