Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
