dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize