Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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