Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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