Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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