Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
