I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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