Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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