the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
