rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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