The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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