you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
