no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
