come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
