No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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